Benny Hill

Benny Hill

Maybe I should accompany this column with a chorus of “Yakkety Sax.”

These past few weeks have shown that I can survive without baseball, but I can’t help thinking about it. You know your baseball mind must be corroding when you start thinking of baseball and Benny Hill.

Yes, that Benny Hill. He was the British comedian known for his naughty little boy looks and his broad, slapstick and bawdy sense of humor. Many of his sketches were filled with double entendres and ended with him being chased by an angry crowd of scantily-clad females to a frenetic version of the tune “Yakkety Sax.”

I’m the sort of fellow who thinks of ideas of how classic comedians would’ve handled modern situations. As an example, I would’ve loved to have seen how Curly from the Three Stooges would’ve handled a computer.

I think of things like Jack Benny and a computer. The computer would be voice-activated and would be snooty and obnoxious. It would be even more stingy than Jack, and it would be able to play the violin better.

Hill died in 1992 at the age of 68, but reruns of his television show are still very popular in the states. I consider his work a “guilty pleasure.” I find it so silly and so ridiculous, I end up laughing in spite of myself.

For some reason, I now find myself wondering what Hill would’ve done with baseball. I’m sure he would’ve found plenty about the American National Pastime funny. I think he would’ve had a good time with the game.

I can see Hill doing sketches about an infielder or catcher who reaches into the stands after a foul ball and finds himself in the lap of an attractive female. The punch line would be what he winds up in the next time he chases a foul ball into the stands.

I came up with an idea for a sketch where Hill would be a lifeguard at the pool at Chase Field. An attractive female would get bopped by a home run ball and fall into the pool. Benny would jump in and rescue her, but she assumes he pushed her and slaps him. From there, one thing would lead to another, and the crowd from the pool is chasing Benny across the field.

Soon, both dugouts and bullpens would empty as the players and umpires start chasing Hill. We could then show him running out of one of the exits. We would then insert a speeded-up clip of the crowd leaving Chase Field and heading out the exits. With a little CGI, we could show a huge crowd chasing Hill up and down the streets of downtown Phoenix.

That would be funny, and a lot more entertaining than what we’ve seen of Major League Baseball this season.

Thinking of other comedians, another possibility for a funny sketch would be Ladmo and Mr. Grudgemeyer at Chase Field. If you know who I’m talking about, I’ll bet you’re laughing at the thought. You also know Arizona pop culture history. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, look them up and get an idea of what you missed.

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