Q. What’s the difference between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Keystone Kops?
A. The Keystone Kops were trying to be a comedy act.
Time for some jokes about the National League’s top comedy act, the D-Backs. As if they weren’t already a big joke. I still think they should hire Statler and Waldorf from “The Muppets” to serve as color commentators. They’d be more entertaining than watching the team on the field.
As a side note, it shows what an impact the Keystone Kops had on American culture that they are still considered the symbols of incompetence and ineptitude.
Let’s look at the joke known as the D-Backs’ starting lineup. As of April 23, the team’s batting average was .190. Of Major League teams, only the Cincinnati Reds were worse at .180.
The D-Backs are 6-9 after 15 games, and they may have been lucky to win that many.
Rookie designated hitter Seth Beer is the most productive batter at 1-.375-8. I suspect the D-Backs may soon trade him for some mediocre minor league prospects.
Let’s go around the field. At catcher, we have Carson Kelly at 0-.111-0 and Jose Herrera at 0-.067-0. First baseman Christian Walker is at 3-.160-6. At second base, one of the team’s stars(?) Ketel Marte, is 0-.169-5. With Josh Rojas out, there have been four at third base: Sergio Alcantra (1-.115-4), Drew Ellis (0-.125-1), Yonnie Hernandez (0-.125-0) and recent acquisition Matt Davidson (1-.143-1). With Nick Ahmed out with injuries, Geraldo Perdomo (0-.172-0) has been filling in at shortstop.
Now to the outfield. In right field, Jake McCarthy is 1-.136-1, but Pavin Smith is 0-.286-2. Daulton Varsho in center field is 4-.213-8. In left field, David Peralta is 1-.234-2.
Talk about your Hitless Wonders.
With a lineup like this, no wonder I want to make jokes about this team. What else are young going to do with them? You may as well laugh.
I made up that joke about the D-Backs and the Keystone Kops. I found a bunch of D-Backs jokes at the website, Jokes4us.com. Many of the jokes on this site are off-color. Here are some of ones that I really liked:
How can the D-Backs have a website? They can’t string three “W”s together.
Q: Why are the D-Backs’ pitchers like orphans?
A: Because they don’t know where home is!
Q: What is the difference between a D-Backs’ fan and a pot hole?
A: I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!
Q: What song do D-Backs’ fans sing before the bottom of the ninth inning?
A: Nobody knows. There’s never any of them left.
Q: What’s the difference between the D-Backs and a mosquito?
A: A mosquito stops sucking.
Again, I need to state I got these jokes from Jokes4us.com. I can’t take credit for someone else’s work.
I’m reminded of an exchange I saw on You Tube. It was from “The Hollywood Palace” in 1966.
The host for that week, Milton Berle, was being “heckled” from the balcony by the “King of One Liners,” Henny Youngman. At one point, Berle’s reputation for stealing jokes from other comedians came up.
Berle says Youngman is heckling him because he’s jealous.
“You’re just jealous because I got a way with a joke!” Berle said.
“You got away with a lot of jokes!” Youngman replied.
“I don’t need to steal jokes!” Berle said. “I have a funny bone!”
“So put on a hat and no one will notice!” replied Youngman.
I should mention this was all rehearsed and Berle and Youngman were actually good friends. I wonder if this was the inspiration for Statler and Waldorf.
You can look up a lot of D-Backs jokes on Jokes4us.com. Most of them are very funny, even if some of them are off-color.
It looks like it’s going to be another long season. We may as well laugh.